How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You have to summon your inner elephant
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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