so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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