I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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