This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm passing your future prison.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
