I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
