She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
