I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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