you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
