4 words: hood of his car
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
as a side note pls kill me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
