I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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