Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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