i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
