i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
