I'm gonna have a badass scar
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
