But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
