Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
