For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
