She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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