I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize