i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
