isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
