I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
