Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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