I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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