I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
