you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
