watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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