Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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