Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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