I hate your face
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
