i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize