Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
