i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
