i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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