Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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