I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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