I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize