I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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