take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Couch. On fire.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
