She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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