I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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