He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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