Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
