Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize