Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
