I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
