who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
