peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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