She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
