i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
