Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
