I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
