Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize