I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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