the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize