Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
