i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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