dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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