Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
