so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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