Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
