I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
