my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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