upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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