Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
