I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I smell like Dick and happiness
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
