he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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