I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
